The Smells of Passover

This year, I don't get to taste Passover, only smell it. Strange and sad, for the first time in my 42 years I can't have the charoset, matzoh, or kugel. I always pass on the horseradish (ick), and even that smelled good at mom's seder--and sentimental.

I haven't spoken about it here yet, mostly because I'm not sure how it's going to impact the new direction of the blog, but I am dealing with food allergies. And, no, I couldn't be dealing with eliminating one category of foods from my world. Heavens, that would be too simple and not nearly dramatic enough. Instead, I have been gluten-, yeast-, sugar-, and dairy-free for nearly two weeks now. Wanna be successful on Weight Watchers? There's my secret. I lost four pounds in my first eight days.

I'm sure at some point I'll be able to add in some thing (please, Lord, let me have an apple or an orange) but some things, such as processed sugar, yeast, and gluten are probably gone forever.

I feel remarkable, I have to say. I had some ups and downs the first ten days as my body detoxed--headaches, chills, crying jags, and more--and then two days last week I was completely manic. My poor officemate couldn't work out which was worse....

I feel better mentally and physically than I have in years, but I also faced minimal food temptations so far, Passover seder being the biggest. The smell of the cinnamon and wine of the charoset, the starchy goodness of the kugel--almost too much to bear. But I keep reminding myself how incredible I feel.

I don't know where I'm heading with this post. Doing a lot of thinking lately, especially about how I interact with food and the role of food in my life. Food has always been something to be savored, something special to share with friends and family. Now I'm approaching it as "fuel", plain and simple, as I settle into my new life.

I am finding joy in some of my foods, however. Today, cutting into an out-of-season organic red bell pepper, I took a bite and discovered it was sweet as candy. It was almost too sweet. Stunned, I cut off a slice for a co-worker who looked at me and laughed, saying, "Kay, it tastes like a red bell pepper." To me, it was a little bit of heaven. I'm learning to savor each and every one of those bits of heaven.