Madness, Madness, They Call it Madness

30,000 "industry professionals", nearly 8000 book buyers, 2000 exhibits in 300,000, four 16 hour days. Sound like heaven on earth? Sound like one of the rings of hell? Nah, that's BookExpo America, where I'm headed in just a few days.

This is the largest book industry gathering in the country, but not the world. I'm not sure which is the largest, but it might be the Frankfurt Book Fair that boasts 7000+ exhibitors and 285,000 visitors over three days (Frankfurt is open to the general public; BEA is not.)

To some, it might sound like heaven but I guess after nearly 20 years, I'm a bit jaded. Oh, it's got its fun bits. Back in the day, we used to hit the parties until 4am--and there are some amazing parties.

The big deal is always to score a PGW party ticket. They're hard to come by and their parties are always the place to see and be seen. I don't hit that one anymore (I'm old. I'm tired.) but the best one was at House of Blues in Chicago where Morphine played for about 500 of us. I think the most bizzare party I ever attended was for Danielle Steele at the Beverly Hilton. We were required to stand in line, to meet Her Royal Highness, in order to get into the party. Once you were in, it was the most over-the-top thing--you can't even imagine. Hell, it was Danielle Steele. I'm guessing you can imagine.

Now, I'm more interested in the smaller parties and dinners with friends. This is one of two times a year where you get to see the people you only get to see once or twice a year..

It's a hard show and a long weekend. If you've never played the role of a "booth babe", you don't know what you're missing. You're in business dress on concrete floor for at least nine hours and then it's time for dinners and parties. You collapse into bed at an hour that you never see at home, get up in the morning and do it all over again. Each morning is a little foggier and a little more painful than the one before it.

And you see some truly odd things. There was the year our booth was next to Heidi Fleiss's--you know, the Hollywood Madame? She had an entourage of ::cough:: colorful women with her and they delighted and puzzled BEA attendees all weekend long. There are the poor people who have to dress up like book characters (I met the Pokey Little Puppy once!) or those that chose to dress up in some odd costume that is supposed to have something to do with their book but mostly it just makes them look like a goon. I always sorta feel sorry for those people but then I remind myself that they did it to themselves (it's mostly the self-published authors from what I've seen.)

Last year in New York there were a lot of Sopranos-related sightings--Steve Schirripa out promoting his cookbook, Edie Falco hosting a party for a family member, Peter Bogdanovich and Frankie Valli doing somethin'.. Sopranos everywhere. Sometimes you wonder if you're eyes aren't playing tricks on you, as there is something curious at nearly every turn. This year it will be lots of DC political types--one of my colleagues is doing events with both Gary Hart and George McGovern, so I would imagine the politicos will be plentiful.

BEA exists in a parallel universe. For four days you live and breathe books. Well, books and booze. Time sort of stands still. You don't hear much news from the outside world (except when Ronald Reagan died a few years ago--that was big news.) You generally don't talk to your family (unless they happen to be with you and then you get to hear all about their fabulous day of sight-seeing when you finally meet up back in your hotel room at some ungodly hour.)

I've really got a love-hate thing with this trip. It's hard, hard work and exhausting, but it's a lot of fun, too. It's great to see friends and colleagues, to be immersed wholly in books and the world of books, to have fabulous meals, and to meet and see people you'd never get to otherwise.

So, put on your drinking shoes and I'll see you in DC.